The Secret Life of Werewolves
by fruitonthebottom
Summary: This is a dark and romantic piece of fiction detailing Remus Lupin's life as he deals with his love for Tonks, living with a pack of werewolves, and living up to the task that Dumbledore gave to him. It is told from Lupin's point of view, which gives new
1. Chapter 1

Remus Lupin was tucked snugly under the white covers of his small cot, staring at the wood ceiling above him. It was two o'clock in the morning, and the loud snores of the men around him and managed to keep him awake. Remus turned over on his side, his thin mattress groaning beneath him, and placed his hands under his head. He could not fall asleep. Thoughts buzzed violently in his mind, like a swarm of angry bees. During the day, Lupin acted as though the death of Dumbledore was a thing of the past, but during the night, when the moonlight poured through the window and no one else was awake, it haunted him. His eyes began to sting as he blinked back tears. It hurt too much to recall the heartbreak.

The man in the cot to Lupin's left stirred. Lupin pretended to close his eyes, watching the man sit up in his bed through the thin slits between his eyelids. The man had long, unkempt, black hair that reached below his shoulder blades. He was fairly large in size; very tall, with a muscle build. As the man stretched out his arms, Lupin could see the various scars etched into the skin of his forearm, each one telling a story of the man's brutal slaughters. The skin on his face was taut and dry, with a grayish tone, as if life had been sucked out of him. Dark circles were swept below his gray eyes, and his lips were colorless and blistered. This man was Fenrir Greyback.

Lupin observed Greyback as he rubbed his eyes and went back to sleep. Lupin wondered how a man like that could ever get a wink of sleep. How could he not be bothered by the fact that he purposely selects young victims to live with the horror of being a werewolf? Lupin's dizzying and worrying thoughts eventually lulled him into an unpleasant and uneasy sleep.

Lupin awoke at six o'clock in the morning, for a grand total of four hours of sleep. He grunted as he pushed the covers off of him, sitting on his small bed with his bare feet touching the cold stone ground. He looked around the small shack as he ran his fingers through his graying hair. His new home was small, considering the number of men who were living there. It had but one window, which was positioned so that at night, everyone could clearly see what phase the moon was in. Wood paneling lined walls, and cobwebs had made themselves apparent in the corners of the shack. Most of the time, the shack was stuffy, airless, and dark.

The only thing that was more worn out and dark than the old shack were the men that were living in it. Each one of them had at least three fairly large scars. They were filthy; hair messed, clothes torn and tattered, faces smeared with dirt. All of them were tired, and all of them, except for Lupin, were malicious. Most importantly, all of them were werewolves, haunting the full-moon night, thirsty for blood.

Lupin walked slowly toward the door, his eyes squinting from the strong morning light. As he walked outside into the thick forest, he could hear Greyback's throaty voice boasting.

"I think I might get another kid. Lives about five miles from London. Spoiled brat, he is." Lupin shook his head as he walked toward the other werewolves surrounding Greyback, who were all looking admiringly at him.

"Remus! How about you? What kind of blood you getting?" growled Greyback.

"Oh, I don't know…" Lupin muttered, being sure not to make any eye contact. Greyback glared at him.

"Still too soft, eh?" he hissed. Lupin forced a wicked smile.

"You kiddin'?" he said with a slight laugh. Greyback returned a devious laugh that echoed through the forest as he threw a meaty arm over Lupin's shoulder.

"Get 'em early, that's what I say. Right boys?" Greyback hollered.

"RIGHT!" the men shouted in unison.

"Wizards don't appreciate what we've been through. That's why we've all got to join forces with the Dark Lord. He'll make it better for all of us," Greyback bellowed, "and with that silly Dumbledore gone, it'll be easy." Lupin swallowed hard, for fear the lump in his throat would show.

"But, Greyback, how can you be sure that the Dark Lord will remain loyal to _you?_" he asked. Greyback's eyes narrowed upon Lupin's.

"I _trust _my Lord," he barked angrily. His strong hand swiftly gripped Lupin's throat and lifted him off of the ground. Lupin's eyes opened wide in shock as his fragile hands grabbed onto Greyback's strong one. "You should, too," Greyback said to the choking Lupin. He grunted as he threw Lupin to the dirt ground, watching as he panted and coughed.

"We _all_ need to trust him," Greyback roared. The rest of the men silently nodded their heads as Lupin slowly rose to his feet, his knees practically shaking. Greyback's eyes went back to Lupin. "And I'm not sure you trust him, Remus." Lupin froze in his tracks.

"O-of course I do," he lied. Greyback strolled closer to Lupin, his eyes completely focused.

"Prove it," Greyback muttered, "Full moon is just a couple days off. I want you to return here with a muggle. A dead one that _you_ slaughtered." Greyback grinned haughtily, and Lupin smiled back, though his insides were churning with anxiety.

"I will," Lupin replied strongly, a hint of malice in his voice. Lupin turned on his heels quickly and stormed back into the shack. He strode toward his cot, bent low to gather the few of his possessions that were beneath his bed, and began to pack. Lupin would be leaving soon, but not to kill an innocent muggle. There was a birthday party at the Burrow that he couldn't miss.


	2. Chapter 2

Lupin's feet touched the dirt ground of the Burrow's driveway in the evening, just when the sun was setting. Slightly disoriented, Lupin looked around to make sure he was in the right place. Apparition, though helpful, was never a pleasant way of travel. He adjusted the hem of his jacket and brushed off some dirt from his shoulders as he strolled toward the front door of the Burrow. Lupin knocked three times.

"Who is it?" Arthur Weasley's voice rang out from behind the door.

"It's Remus," said Lupin, hoping not to be interrogated to confirm his identity.

"What is your favorite candy?" Arthur called. Lupin rolled his eyes.

"Honestly, Remus. Do we have to?"

"Ministry policy!" Mr. Weasley said importantly. Lupin smiled softly to himself and shook his head.

"Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans." There was a slight pause.

"What flavor?"

"Oh, for God's sake," Lupin laughed as he turned the doorknob, letting himself in. A smiling, tall, thin, and ginger-haired Arthur stood in his way and gave a hearty laugh.

"Just kidding, Remus. Come in!" he chuckled, giving Lupin a energetic embrace, "Let me take that" Lupin handed over his suitcase to Arthur, and looked around to see a cheerful Molly Weasley. She hastily shuffled her way towards him and gave him a bone-crushing squeeze.

"Oh, Remus, dear! So happy to see you," she chirped happily, "Goodness, you're thin. Sit down, sit down! Cake's almost ready." Lupin was pushed into a chair that did not match any of the others at the dining table. He gazed across it to see the cheerful faces of Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Fred, and George.

"Harry birthday, Harry," Lupin congratulated with a grin.

"Thanks, Professor Lupin," grinned Harry. It almost brought tears to Lupin's eyes, hearing Harry call him professor. Instead, he smiled proudly. He was glad to be smiling. He was glad to see _others _smiling. It had been so long ago when he last smiled because he was happy. Suddenly, the lights dimmed and Lupin's thoughts were interrupted by a cake with seventeen candles on it floating toward the dining table. Lupin glanced behind the cake, and saw a wand pointed at it. He recognized the wand, and he felt a strange feeling. It was a feeling similar to missing a step when going downstairs. Your heart drops and lands on your spine as you desperately try to hold onto something. He glanced up to the holder of the wand to see mousy brown hair and a pretty, heart-shaped face.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY…" The loud chorus of the birthday song was merely a buzz in Lupin's ears as he and Tonks made eye contact. Her face was almost expressionless, though Lupin thought (or hoped) he saw a hint of a smile in her eyes. She stared at Lupin for only a moment longer before she tore her eyes away to look at Harry. Lupin turned his head to see all seventeen candles successfully blown out.

"All right, presents!" grinned Ginny, pushing a small and clumsily wrapped present toward Harry. Lupin looked down at his lap shamefully, knowing he did not have anything to give Harry. He had no money and no time for anything anymore. He nervously fiddled with his fingers as he slowly looked up and saw Harry gleefully clutching a hand knitted scarf in his hand while hugging Ginny.

"Mom's been teaching me how to knit," she said, and Molly smiled proudly. They all continued to give Harry presents. Fred and George of course gave the most amusing present. It was a fake snitch that retorted rude remarks when you tried to catch it.

"Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes' best!" Fred said.

"That item is flying off the shelves," chimed George. Harry reached out to catch the snitch, and the feathers of its wings formed into an ugly hand gesture. Lupin thought he even saw Molly smile.

Harry looked at Lupin, and there was an awkward moment between them. Harry's face was anticipating a gift, and Lupin's was contorted in shame. Harry's eyes widened a little as he began to understand and he looked away, quickly changing the subject.

"I better put these things upstairs," he said.

"We'll help," replied Ron. He, Hermione, and Ginny took the various gifts and ran upstairs. Lupin sighed miserably as he massaged his forehead. A hand fell on his shoulders and he looked up to see Tonks.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine."

"Good, because I need to talk to you." Lupin nodded slowly as he got up. He couldn't say he wasn't expecting this, but he could say that he wasn't ready. They stepped outside into the cold night as they both tightened their jackets around themselves. Tonks' eyes held Lupin's for what seemed like hours before she finally spoke.

"So, how are things _really_ going?" she inquired, her voice low but strong. Lupin tore away from her eyes and looked just above the horizon, where the waxing moon shone bright. He felt that there was no point in lying.

"Greyback doesn't trust me," he muttered.

"Why?"

"Because I questioned the loyalty of Voldemort in front of him." There was silence, and a few seconds later the sound of her voice filled his ears.

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing…yet. He wants me to show my loyalty."

"How?" Lupin's eyes met back with Tonks'. He wanted to show her how dangerous he was. How he didn't deserve her love.

"I have to kill a muggle, and bring the body back to him," said Lupin simply. Tonks' eyes widened with fear.

"What are you going to do?" breathed Tonks, her voice shaky.

"Go back…eventually… without a muggle body. I will face Greyback myself." Tonks gasped and walked quickly towards Lupin.

"No…no, Remus, you can't! H-He'll slaughter you," she whispered desperately, "No one says you have to go back." Lupin's eyes narrowed a little.

"Dumbledore ordered me to."

"Dumbledore…Dumbledore is-"

"Dead! I know!" shouted Lupin. He turned his back toward Tonks, and his voice became gentle again. "I gave him my word, Tonks. I can't back out on it. Especially now. I _can_ defeat Greyback. I have to…" There was a long pause, and all Lupin could hear was the wind whistling through the trees. He closed his eyes and breathed deep. Tonks' hand again found its way to his shoulder. Eyes still closed, he turned around. Slowly he opened them to see Tonks' face, blushed and red from the cold wind. All he could think of was how beautiful she was, as she looked at him with those dark, twinkling eyes. There was a long pause between them as she drew in a breath.

"Remus…do you love me?" she asked, her voice low and soft. Lupin looked away. "Look me in the eyes, Remus." He did. He knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to be happy. But, more, importantly, he wanted _her _to be happy. He knew what he _had_ to say.

"No," he said unconvincingly, "I don't love you."

"What?" Tonks shouted, "too old, too poor, too dangerous? Damnit, Remus, I don't care!" Tonks came even closer to Lupin, they were just inches apart.

"Yes…you saw me…I-I couldn't even afford a present for Harry," whispered Lupin, his voice cracking and shaking. He felt Tonks' hands on his as he stared into her eyes.

"You've given Harry something more valuable than anything you could buy in a store," she breathed, inching even closer. Lupin looked longingly into her eyes. He wanted her…He wanted so badly to be happy. But, he knew he couldn't have her. He knew what he had to do. He broke away from Tonks' hypnotizing gaze and let go of her hand.

"I don't love you," stated Lupin again, strongly this time, "I just don't feel that way…I'm sorry." He anxiously looked back at Tonks. He could hardly bear to see tears form in her eyes. She bowed her head, letting her tears drop helplessly to the ground. He put his hands on her shoulders, but she roughly shrugged them off.

"Don't…don't touch me!" Tonks cried. Lupin sighed. There was no more he could say, so he walked past Tonks into the Burrow, leaving her in the cold, dark, night.


	3. Chapter 3

"Where's Nymphadora?" Mrs. Weasley asked, eyeing Lupin strangely.

"Outside," muttered Lupin as he sat down at the Burrow's dining table, trying not to look at Molly. She peered through the window above the kitchen sink.

"I don't see her," she said. Lupin looked up, his eyebrows raised in slight surprise.

"Maybe she left," he suggested, his voice dull and low.

"Oh, that's very unlike Nymphadora," chirped Mrs. Weasley, "to leave without saying goodbye." Molly opened her mouth as if wanting to say something more, but then suddenly decided against it and closed her mouth shut. Lupin said nothing and stared into his lap. Silence, again. _When will I escape from these awkward silences?_ he thought.

"Molly, would it be much trouble if I could use your shed for my, er – transformation?" Lupin asked, happy to finally break the stillness. Molly's warm and round face broke out into a smile.

"Of course, dear," she replied happily. Suddenly, her smile started to fade a little. "Are you still taking the Wolfsbane Potion?" Lupin opened his mouth, and then closed it. He had completely forgotten about that. He didn't know if he would take the potion, knowing who had made it for him.

"I don't know," sighed Lupin, "The person who made it, well, how could I-"

"Nonsense!" Molly interrupted, "Don't let that bother you. You deserve to keep your mind, no matter what happens." She strode over to Lupin and held his face in her hand. "You can stay in our extra bedroom until the time comes. In fact, stay as long as you need to." Lupin smiled as Molly. He admired her. Her uncanny way to make anyone feel better at any situation, her immense caring for others, her tendency to act motherly to anyone she met. "Your things are already upstairs in Bill's old bedroom," she added. She let go of Lupin's face and flicked her wand at the dishes as they began to clean themselves. _Bill_. Lupin had forgotten to ask about him.

"How is he?" Lupin asked. Molly's face was impassive, but her voice seemed fragile when she spoke.

"Oh, he's getting alone fine," she breathed, "We still don't know if he's a…well…a-"

"A werewolf?" finished Lupin. Molly nodded solemnly as Lupin looked down at his lap again. Suddenly, Molly gave into a sob.

"Remus! How can you live with that horrible man? You can't go back!" she cried. Lupin looked back up at Molly and got up from his chair as he walked toward her.

"I made a promise," he said gently, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking into Molly's teary eyes. "I'll be fine…and so will Bill. Everything will be alright." Lupin tried to sound as convincing as possible, though he didn't believe his own words. Molly smiled a little bit and sniffed as she wiped at her eyes.

"Oh, silly me. Of course," she said with a small laugh. Lupin nodded as he let go of Molly, deciding to go see his new room. He walked upstairs and strolled towards Bill's old bedroom. As he stepped in, he noticed it was quite bare. It had a small bed on which his suitcase was on, blank walls, and one window. Lupin strode over to the window and looked outside to watch the moon. Tomorrow it would be full. Lupin went to the bed and opened his suitcase, taking out an old bottle with the Wolfbane Potion inside. He ran his hands along the bottle as he contemplated what he should do.

_If I don't take it, I can't stay here. I don't know where I'd go to._

_But, Snape made this. How can I use it?_

Lupin paced the floor of the small bedroom and bit his lip as the debate went on in his head. Coming to a decision, he stepped out of the room and called out to Molly.

"Molly, can I use one of your owls?" he shouted, "I need to send a message."

"Of course, dear," he heard her call back, "You can use Ron's. It's in his room." Lupin nodded and walked briskly toward Ron's bedroom. He stepped inside, seeing four heads of red hair, a head of unkempt black hair, and one of brown frizzy hair.

"Hello, Ron," smiled Lupin, "I need to use your owl. Is that alright?"

"'Course," replied Ron. Harry looked up at Lupin and grinned.

"Are you staying here for a couple of days, Professor?" he asked. Lupin's eyes softened as he sighed.

"Only for tonight," he muttered, "Only for tonight…"

"Here you go," Ron grunted as he handed Lupin the cage, "Now, mind you, he can be fussy at times. Just pluck a feather out of him and he'll do what you want."

"Ron!" scolded Hermione, her eyes wide with sympathy for his owl.

"What? I'm only telling the truth!" Lupin chuckled to himself as he gripped the cage in his hands.

"Thanks Ron," he said as he walked back to Bill's old bedroom. He grabbed a spare sheet of parchment and a pen from his suitcase a scribbled a small note. He opened the cage to let the owl out and he bent low to speak to it.

"Take this to Minerva McGonagall," he breathed, placing the note under the owl's beak. It clutched onto the note and in a moment sailed off out of the window. Lupin sighed deeply as he watched the owl become fainter and smaller until he could see it no longer. He shoved the cage off of the bed and pulled at the covers as he slid off his shoes. He got into the bed and closed his eyes, knowing that this sleep would have to be a fine one to prepare him for what would be in store tomorrow.


End file.
